Things I Learned from My Mother
By Anita Stubbs
I was born in the 1940's, grew up during the 50's, and "came of age" in the
60's, in almost every meaning of the phrase. It wasn't until much later that
I reached the 'age of enlightenment", which I'm discovering is an age of
slow development. Realization, for me, comes in spurts, much like physical
growth spurts when I was young.
I learned early that there is a right way for a woman to live, to act, to
think, to believe. As a small child, I learned that good manners meant
always being quiet, and never saying I was hungry when at someone else's
house.
A little later, I learned by observation, how to properly make a bed,
to iron clothes and hang them, to make biscuits for breakfast and cornbread
for supper, to sweep and mop a floor, to sew, to wash and dry dishes, to do
laundry and properly fold clothes, to change a diaper and to bathe a baby.
I learned how to keep a proper yard, to clean an outhouse, and how
to take care of the garden, how to can vegetables and how to live on little
income.
I learned how to put the needs of my family first, and that family
business was nobody else's!
I learned that lying was the surest way to get a whipping. I learned that being well behaved, well-groomed, and a good student in
school was nothing but expected, anything less was foreign to the cultural
ethic into which I was born.
I learned to work hard, that a busy woman is the best kind of wife, and
being a wife was the most important goal any girl should have. I learned to
be creative in home decoration, to make the best of every situation, and to
make do with everything! And, I learned to be satisfied with my lot in life.
Now, I'm not saying that once something is learned, it can not be unlearned!
Later on, I realized that being productive for me, meant not being
satisfied with my "lot" in life. "Making do" interfered with my sense of
gratification, in a big way!
I appreciate all the things my mother taught me; they were the foundation
for the woman I am. She, having been born in the 20's, and living through
the Great Depression, had her own cultural limitations, and she taught me
all she knew. I will always be grateful to her, and proud of her, for her
strength and nobility, for her strong shoulders from which I could stand and
see things she never could.
I learned lots of things on my own. I learned to think outside the box. To
broaden my view of the world, and my own personal expectations from life. I
learned, am learning still, how narrow was that window of my youth. How
stark the creative landscape. How void of substantive materials I craved for
the creative abilities I processed.
How glaring now, from this faraway distance from then, the absence of
artistic recognition, or encouragement.
The most important thing my mother taught me without even knowing she did,
is the tenet for my life: If you look for the good in anything, you
will find it.